I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
