I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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