Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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