I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
