3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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