this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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