just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
