he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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