I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sobbing to NWA
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
