You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize