i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
