i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
