Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He did a backflip because drugs
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