NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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