When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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