So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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