You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize