I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
