i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
