So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize