she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
