Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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