You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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