pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
