WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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