his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
