the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize