dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.