she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack