sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I enjoy the company of your penis