1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me