how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head