if you like me you must not know who I am
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
