When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Found the puke drawer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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