apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
should my penis look like a turkey
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
