he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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