Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
