that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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