Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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