I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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