She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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