I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
