I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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