So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
