I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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