you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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