We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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