New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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