I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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