I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
