I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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