im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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