I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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