im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
